Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
