He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize