1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
