My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize