I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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