i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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