I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
