____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
