She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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