and my herpes radar will keep us safe
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
