the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize