Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
