After last night, I could never be a politician.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
