Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
