I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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