DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
