What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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