I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
