I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
