K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize