Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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