Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So vagazzling was a success
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
