My nipple is on Facebook.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My feet surprised me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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