There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
