She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We are all done wearing pants today
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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