well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
