She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
