Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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