I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
