We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
