I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
