Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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