I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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