She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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