i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
