i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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