he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
