people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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