If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
