who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your mouth is God's brothel.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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