i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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