she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
