How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
