She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
