I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
