I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
