So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
