the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
