So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
