sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
