real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
