the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
