if you like me you must not know who I am
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
