Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
