I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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