Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
