I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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