they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
