Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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