I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
