What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
