Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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