No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
