I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
