Your face is a jimmy john
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
