Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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